WHY LAUNCHING A FIREWORK UP YOUR ARSE MAY JUST BE A GOOD IDEA

Did you hear about the man from Sunderland who thought it a good idea to stick a firework up his backside?

The 22-year old soldier inserted a firework between his buttocks before lighting it. Within seconds he learnt his lesson as he fell to the floor. Taken to Sunderland Royal Hospital, he was treated for burns to his colon before being released.

One can only wonder what he thought might happen. But the pain is a small price to pay for the fame he has now achieved, in the papers, on the internet and throughout Sunderland.

He is not the first person to suffer the consequences of what can only be described as ridiculous stupidity.

How about the man in Indiana who grew marijuana in his back garden? One day he received a phone call from the police saying he had been found out but if he took the plant down to the sheriff’s office he couldn’t be prosecuted. When he appeared at reception brandishing the plant he was escorted away by officers who then put him into custody. Need I say it, the call was a hoax!

Or Geoff, the Welsh rugby fan who took his love for the game a step too far. Geoff, 26, from Caerphilly in Wales, had announced to his friends “If Wales wins, I’ll cut my balls off.” before Wales' game with England in 2005. Wales won - their first victory over England in 12 years. Shortly after the game Geoff emerged from the toilets having kept his promise. Newly-castrated Geoff was taken to hospital where he remained in a seriously ill condition.

And finally, the Canadian man who on Halloween dressed as a mummy, covering himself from head to toe with fluffy cotton balls. As he waited for his girlfriend to get ready he sat in the kitchen and lit a cigarette. He instantly burst into flames. When the fire brigade arrived his costume was reduced to ash and he was admitted to hospital with second and third degree burns covering his entire body.

Putting a firework up your arse seems like a comparatively sensible idea. Just don't try it at home!

OBESITY - BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!

Remember bird flu? Or rather, the bird flu scares. It was a threat, a very real one. And oh how we panicked! The plague was upon us and we were doomed. Actually, we were wrong – for now at least.

But what happens when a real epidemic hits? Simple: eat, drink and by god be merry!

Britain is currently suffering from an obesity epidemic that has seen 1 in 4 of the adult population being classed as obese.

It’s not just adults suffering – one in every ten children in the UK is obese. Their weight is at a level high enough that it endangers their health.

It is diagnosed by a person's Body Mass Index (BMI). BMI is calculated by dividing weight in kilograms by height in metres squared. If BMI exceeds 30, then a person is obese.

So a man, 5ft10 weighing 13 stone is overweight. Weighing just 14 ½ stone however is obese. And he is certainly not alone. As we consume more and more our health is more at risk but we still do not heed the warnings.

Obesity increases the risk of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and cancer.

The problem is not just excess consumption. It’s excess consumption of the wrong foods. The junk food, the chocolate, the crisps and all those little pleasures which have now become part of our everyday diet.

Junk food is the big one. The UK is swamped by fast food outlets. Almost every town and city has one(at the very least), feeding a whole nation’s addiction to a food which is fast poisoning them.

Research has found the sugars and fats in fast food to be as addictive as nicotine and heroin.

The addiction proliferates as we understand the why we eat it. It’s cheap, it tastes good and most of all, it requires minimal effort.

Throughout the last century, numerous technological advances have been made to make our lives easier. But now, as our lives speed up we are slowing down, piling on the pounds and posing a serious danger to ourselves.

It’s addictive, causes heart problems, high blood pressure and increases the risk of cancer – remind you of anything?

Still not sure? There was a time believe it or not, when smoking was considered healthy. Years of research found it was killing people, that everyday habit for the millions was suddenly deadly.

Got it yet? Exactly. Fast food – tobacco for the fat generation. It dangers are well known but through years of denial, it has become part of our lifestyle. Part we accept, rarely blinking when the health warnings are thrown in our faces.

The tides appear to be changing though. According to reports this week, Burger King's advert for the 841-calorie Double Whopper burger is being investigated by the Advertising Standards Agency.

The ‘Are You Man Enough?’ ads feature an army of ‘real’, ‘manly’ men eating the burger – because they’re man enough. Are we really expected to believe that it is the sign of a real man to gorge night and day on burgers filled to the brim with saturated fats, salts and pretty much everything else we are told is bad for us?

Legislation was passed to ban tobacco companies from advertising in order to protect people’s health and surely it won’t be long before the fast food industry suffers the same fate.

As the fast food generation grows older and the NHS grows weaker, a health crisis is imminent as we continue to advertise one of the UK’s greatest health dangers.

The government has a responsibility to protect the nation’s health, to really hammer home the message of healthy eating, especially in children.
It doesn’t stop at school dinners but must continue in all areas, from health warnings to responsible advertising.

Anyway, I’m off to work on a new advertising campaign.

Crack - are you man enough? Buy a kid's pack and get a free toy!!